Monday, March 09, 2009

How to Manage Your Emotions


I was recently speaking to employees of a large petroleum company about How to Handle their Emotions and Excel Under Pressure in the Workplace. At least 1/2 the attendees came in wondering how to separate their personal life from their work life. And yet, frequently the emotions they were trying to manage had nothing to do with work at all...it had to do with what was taking place in their personal lives.

What was happening, however was that when their emotions would come up - male or female, mind you - it was disrupting their ability to focus, to compartmentalize and to remember how not to take things so personally. When the discomfort would arise, they would attach the discomfort to a specific person, rather than recognizing the pattern of the emotion itself. For instance, when someone at work would speak to them in a certain tone of voice, they would react in a way that tone made them feel - which was usually one of the following: frustrated, irritated, angry, annoyed, disrespected, unappreciated, insignificant and downright upset. When I asked them if they could go back to a previous time when someone may have said something in that same tone that made them feel the exact same way, more often than not they could.

Their emotional response to the current situation was merely a trigger-back to a previous experience...that rarely even had anything to do with work!

So what?

So, it's about the pattern of the emotion. Emotions are important because they provide us with valuable information about how we're really feeling. It's important because at the end of the day, it's not about other people, it's about ourselves and taking responsibility for how we feel.

In order to address situations with other people, we must diffuse the trigger that is pulling us off center. Not eliminate the emotion, mind you, just diffuse the trigger that seems to push our buttons.

Here is a simple visualization exercise you can do in less than 5 minutes to diffuse an emotional trigger when it arises and manage your emotions a little more effectively so that you can continue to move forward:

1. When a challenging situation, circumstance, event or person arises and you feel yourself reacting to the emotion that comes up, imagine that there is a chord that is attached between you and the other person, or the specific situation that you are dealing with. Imagine, visualize, see, feel, pretend or just know that the chord is pulling at you from an area just around your belly button.

2. Now take a deep breath. In a moment you are going to cut that chord. If you want, this is a good time to ask for some 'Divine' assistance (whatever your belief is in something greater than yourself is...) - Archangel Michael is especially helpful for this type of activity; maybe you have a loved one that has passed on, or someone you admire and respect. Whether or not they are physically in your presence, it can be helpful to ask for assistance sometimes. Because you are going to cut the chord, you can imagine whatever tool(s) you would like. Perhaps a large pair of scissors, a sword, a knife, gardening shears...it is your cutting tool so you can imagine it in any way you like.

3. When you are ready, you are going to cut that chord that is attached to you and ask that when you do, the chord be returned to its original source with compassion, grace and ease. (We don't need to examine the story of your life to drudge through the details to simply have the trigger diffused so that you can go on with your day.) Then, when you are ready, cut the chord (asking that it be returned to its original source with compassion, grace and ease.)

4. Now picture, imagine or visualize your favorite color about the size of a quarter just over the area on your abdomen, around your belly button where the chord had been attached to you. Imagine that color gently filling up your stomach, and extending outward until it has filled your ribcage.

It helps when you're in the midst of an emotional experience. The more you practice it, the better you'll get and the quicker you will be able to shift.