How to Create Instant Credibility and Connection in Your Relationships

When was the last time you innocently enough said to someone, “It’s great to see you. Let’s get together for lunch soon,” and then never phoned. Or how about telling your significant other you really need some time together to “connect” and somehow it just never seems to happen? Meetings run late, the kids have a soccer game, family commitments get in the way and life in general seems to stop you from ever making the call and the time, or taking the action you said you would.

It happens to all of us. The truth is, not making the call, the time or taking the action ruins our credibility and sabotages our connections in relationships.

Why is that important? Your credibility influences how much others will communicate with you authentically, cooperate with you, learn from you, be influenced by you and connect with you.

Come on, remember the last time your significant other said they were going to do something for you and they didn’t? Be honest, you’ve got that time stacked up with all the other skeletons in the closet just waiting to remind them of their failure the next time they make the offer.

It doesn’t matter if you are male or female. To create instant credibility and connection there are 9 little letters that represent the key to any relationship.

DWYSYAGTD.

Do. What. You. Say. You. Are. Going. To. Do.

If you say you are going to call…CALL.

If you say you are going to start spending more time together…just the two of you, GO ON A DATE NIGHT.

If you say you are going to work at creating more balance in your life…PRACTICE. Identify where you feel out of balance and do SOMETHING to help you relieve stress, spend more time with the kids, pay more attention to your spouse.

If you say you are going to stop overextending yourself so that you don’t feel so exhausted and taken for granted at the end of the day…start saying NO.

I realize that actually doing what you say you are going to do can seem, at times, overwhelming. We often say we are going to do something in a spontaneous moment of reaction. We want to be nice. We mean it in the moment. We know that if we tell someone what they want to hear, we increase the chance of them liking us or of receiving a positive response.

It is often more compelling for us to say we are going to do something, even if we do not follow through with it, than to stop for a moment, give the idea or request some honest consideration, and say we are NOT at that time.

When we don’t do what we say we are going to do, we lose credibility and integrity.

That works in at least two ways.

1.Doing what you say you are going to do, first and foremost, starts with YOURSELF.

We must remember that other people are merely reflections of us. We cannot like or dislike something about someone else without liking or disliking that same thing about ourselves.

So instead of projecting our own anger or disappointment at ourselves onto someone else, which usually doesn’t make someone else feel very good, we begin by being honest with ourselves and take the responsibility for correcting our own behavior first.

Why do we do blame others? Because it takes great courage to look at oneself, to acknowledge that we are not perfect and run the risk of self-disappointment.

2.When WE do what we say we are going to do, we gain credibility and with ourselves, which models to others a standard to aspire to.

Social psychologists have shown that we normalize to our environment. If our environment and our choices are filled with blame, guilt, resentment and incongruencies, others will respond to that in kind. On the flip side, when we make choices that are responsible, trustworthy, open and honest, others will begin to model that behavior as well.

Seriously, who wants to live a life feeling unfulfilled? Like they can’t do anything right? Feeling constantly guilty or resentful?

No matter how small you think something is, if you say you’re going to do it, start practicing now. You will build credibility and connection faster in all your relationships than you ever imagined.

For more than 20 years, Jenn Kaye, founder of Touch with Intention™ and Head-On Communications™ International, has helped individuals around the world to get more of what they value most in their lives and relationships – with less stress and more fun. She has been has been seen and heard on NBC Radio, Good Morning Arizona, Sonoran Living, RealTime Moms, BabyFirst TV, and quoted in dozens of publications including Femina, India's leading women's magazine and The Inspiration Journal. Receive her FREE e-newsletter, visit www.LifeHeadOn.com or contact Jenn at (602) 403-3500.

Inspirational Coffee Talk

In a recent conversation with a friend about missing the integrity in relationships, I was reminded that any relationship is simply a reflection of ourselves. Other people mirror back things that we like (or don’t like so much) about ourselves. (It’s rule #7 in The Rules for Being Human by Cherie Carter-Scott.) I made the comment to my friend that perhaps she wasn’t missing integrity in other people, but simply missing integrity in her life. She casually responded, “Look, I don’t hang out with losers.”

I laughed and said, “That’s right, you don’t!”

Even though we were talking about ’someone else’ the truth is that sometimes we need to be reminded that we are at the heart of it all. When we get frustrated in being around people who do not inspire us, who take advantage of us, who does us an injustice, it is up to us to first look at ourselves and say, “Hey, where am I allowing this? What am I telling myself…about myself…that would allow this experience to affect me?”

It was a great reminder for me to see where I was integrity with myself. Was I walking my talk? Taking care of myself? Being honest with myself…and others? Was I rationalizing that I didn’t have time to take care of myself and that I’d get to it ‘later’? It’s too easy to project our own stuff onto others and then blame them for affecting our lives.

I suggested that indeed, she did NOT hang out with losers and that starting her day off with me over coffee was in fact showing excellent taste and a high level of value for herself. (And YES, I DO value myself enough to say so!)

How do you start your day?